I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
