It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
