I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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