We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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