You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
