when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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