would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
