I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
