Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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