Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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