sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
