you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
