dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
is wine microwaveable?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
