we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
