Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
