What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
