I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
