Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
