I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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