Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
