It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
