dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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