I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
