I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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