that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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