Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
