I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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