Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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