We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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