i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he thought i was a dude.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
