it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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