I heard we made out
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
