I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
