Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
