i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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