If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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