drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
