My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
