She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
