I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
