I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
