theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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