I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
