no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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