I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
