I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
