3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
