My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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