Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
