ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
