My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
